The Teen Years

I’ll never forget as a young mom being so intimidated by and scared of THE TEEN YEARS (did you hear the creepy music as you read that?!😂). I heard so many moms lament how hard it is to raise teenagers (and it definitely can be)! And as a youth minister’s wife, I was exposed to SO many teens who had a bad relationship with or were simply not close to their parents. I vowed that I would do everything in my power (and lots of prayer!) to make my teen raising years different.

I was hesitant to write this because, one, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m trying to say that we “have it all together.” WE DON’T. We make LOTS of mistakes, often! Secondly, I also know that we have many years to go raising teenagers (my youngest is only 9), and I know that there will be challenges with each one of our girls as we go, some probably more difficult than others. Having said that, we ARE enjoying the teen raising years right now, and I do enjoy a very close relationship with all my girls, and so I wanted to go ahead and share a few things that I think have helped us along the way.

First, let me introduce my daughter, Kylie, who is helping me with today’s blog post!

I thought it would be fun to do this Q&A style, so let’s jump in!

MOM: How would you describe our relationship?
KYLIE: close friends! i love that you can be my mom and my friend!
MOM: What are some things that can challenge our closeness at times?
KYLIE: i really do love that we’re so much alike, but because we are so much alike, it can be easy sometimes for us to get in fights, and that can make it hard for us to be close. and when you have to slip into the mom role and leave the friend role – i don’t like that sometimes!
MOM: What are some things you wish I wouldn’t do?
KYLIE: i wish that you wouldn’t talk to me the way you do because you’re trying to get me to see your point of view and agree with it, when i have my opinion. basically i wish sometimes you acted like my opinions mattered more.
MOM: What are some things you WANT me as your mom to do?
KYLIE: some of my favorite memories with you are days that we take time to go out one on one with each other, or times when you come into my room and we just spend a lot of time talking about what’s going on in my life. i just wish you could make more time to hang out with me. with two other sisters, you homeschooling and being a wife, it can be hard for us to sit and talk alone when other distractions are needing your attention.
MOM: How do you think we have managed to stay close over the years?
KYLIE: when we have our fights, after them i will think to myself “that’s it. i don’t want to be close to her anymore!” but i always end up going back to that close relationship because you’re one of my closest friends and i want to talk to you about things that are going on in my life. the main thing is to talk through fights and share calmly how both of you are feeling, and trying to be understanding of the two opinions, etc.
MOM: What would be your advice to moms wanting to have a close relationship with their teenage daughters?
KYLIE: be there for her. be friends with your daughter. share your struggles with them. i know for me, part of the reason me and my mom are so close is cause i’m not the only one telling her my struggles and all the deets in my life, but she opens up to me and talks to me about the things going on in her life. as teens we do actually want to be close to our moms!

Honestly, some of these answers were a little hard to hear, but I want to know what my daughter wants and needs! I was thankful for her honesty, and I’m working on the things she said! In closing, I want to share five quick things that I think have helped me stay close to my teens from a mom’s perspective.

1. Make time for her! This is simple, and it starts when they’re really young. Take time out of your day to do fun things with them. Take time out of your day to listen to them. Take time out of your day to teach them something new. TIME = LOVE 💖💕
2. Push her to open up! Oftentimes when I ask one of my teenagers what’s wrong with them, I get “nothing,” or “I don’t want to talk about it,” which is really usually code for, keep on asking until I actually tell you! Lol DON’T GIVE UP! Keep on asking – even when you feel borderline annoying – because eventually they usually will open up, and they’ll feel better and so will you! Push your kids to talk to you. Ask open ended questions instead of yes or no questions, and be prepared to listen for a long time once they get going!🤣
3. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and be mom! I wish we could always be the “friend,” but we can’t – that’s actually really dangerous! When we have loved our kids well and often, then our boundaries are seen less as “restrictions” and more as “protections.” Don’t get me wrong, my 16 and 14 yo’s HATE to hear no – and they hear it a lot! – but they know where that NO is coming from (a heart of love), and so they can accept it a lot better. Set boundaries for your kids friendships, places they go, things they watch, etc. No boundaries can communicate to your teen that you don’t really care what they’re doing!
4. Push your teen to do hard things! Everyone loves to accomplish something difficult, and your teen will appreciate you pushing them to do the hard things. I encourage my girls to do hard things that they are gifted in – singing in front of the youth group, auditioning for parts in local community plays, teaching children’s church – the list goes on! I’m always pushing them to do the hard things, because it develops their character, and builds their trust with me that I believe in them and see their amazing potential!
5. Pray, pray, pray!! I can’t overstate this one enough! Spend time on your knees for your teenagers, and for your relationship with your teenager. Nothing will help your relationship more 🙏🏼♥️

And that’s it! If you’ve made it to the end of this, THANK YOU for reading even though it got long! I hope you enjoyed this post and got a takeaway from it! We are learning every day, and I’m sure I have many, many lessons left to learn raising my teens and nine year old!

And if I’m honest, what I’m REALLY scared of is parenting college students!🤣 Luckily I have a couple more years before I get there! Lol Happy Monday, friends!